Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
