I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
