my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
