So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Every concussion has its silver lining
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
