I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just had sex bonerless
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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