"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
