i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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