a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
