my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
