My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
