i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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