I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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