yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
