She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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