3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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