Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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