i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
