everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
