I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
