Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
