she smelled like a LAN party
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
