You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
