OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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