I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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