My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
