Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
