Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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