So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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