One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
