Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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