what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
