My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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