wrigley field is MILF paradise
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
