dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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