I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
