ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
