How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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