If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
