What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
