See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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