My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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