does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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