Whod you bang
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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