Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
