Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The air was thick with penises
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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