That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
