The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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