I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
