I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
