My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
